


Wanting All of You

by liketeachingpoetrytofish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: deancasbigbang, M/M, Soul Bond, Wing Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-30
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-06 23:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/741629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liketeachingpoetrytofish/pseuds/liketeachingpoetrytofish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soul bonding and wing kink. Castiel doesn't know how to ask Dean the request that has been haunting him since they met. He's seen Dean's soul, and he wants it. He wants to be bonded to it. But does Dean want to be bonded to him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Three part story. It's all finished, just posting it at different intervals.

The door creaks open and Dean stumbles in, a satisfied grin on his face. Cas looks over at him from the bed he's sitting on. Sam glances at Dean from the bathroom, and then resumes brushing his teeth.  


Dean plops down on the bed next to the one Cas is on, saying, "Damn that bitch was fine." He grins and lays back, putting his hands behind his head and sighing.  
Cas bites his lip and looks over at the television, which is playing some late night soap. He doesn't like it when Dean does this. When he goes out and does things with girls at clubs. Cas knows that Dean is into that sort of thing, but it doesn't stop him from being jealous. He won't admit it to himself, but that's exactly what it is, jealousy. He wishes that Dean would just stay with him, instead of sneaking out to get laid by some whore.  


"Everything you expected?" Sam asks, coming to stand over Dean.  


"And more," Dean laughs.  


Cas watches as Dean smiles again, and he wishes that the smile were for him. He folds his arms over his coat and stares pointedly at the television as Dean makes an appreciative noise in the back of his throat. It makes Cas cringe.  


He gets up from the bed and heads away from the Winchesters, walking slowly toward the door. A call of "Where you going, Cas?" from Dean stops him.  


He looks over his shoulder and replies slowly, "My services are no longer required at this point in time."  


Cas can hear the bed creak as Dean sits up on it. "What's that supposed to mean? We're not done with this hunt."  


"You can finish it. I am not needed."  


"So you're just gonna flit off then?" There's a tone to Dean's voice.  


Cas doesn't reply. Instead he makes his way toward the door. His hand is on the knob, but fingers digging into his shoulder stop him.  


Dean turns him around and looks at him. "There something you want to tell me, Cas?"  


"What do you mean?" Cas answers, keeping his eyes fixed on Dean's.  


"Don't give me that crap. I can tell that something's wrong."  


"Nothing is wrong," Cas says, although his voice wavers a bit.  


Dean throws his hands in the air. "It's like talking to a brick wall."  


Cas looks down at his shoes. He's not exactly sure what to say. There are many things he wants to say, but what he's feeling right now, that jealously, isn't something that he's used to, and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it.  


Dean's voice breaks into his thoughts, "Just spit it out, Cas."  


Cas's hands bunch into fists, and then he's turning on Dean the words spilling from his mouth, "Why must you go and associate with whores and prostitutes? You've had relations with so many women over the course of your life, Dean. Does sex mean nothing to you? It's just another way for you to feel good isn't it? Because that's all that matters, is that you feel good. Tell me Dean, are you actually capable of feeling anything? Do you care about the countless women you've slept with? Or are they just another warm body for you to bang? You've committed such fornication that it makes me sick."  


He spits out the last word and there's a ringing silence in the room. Dean's mouth hangs open in shock and Sam's eyebrows are raised as he looks on with a similar expression.  


Dean flounders for words and Sam coughs. "I'm gonna go grab a beer."  


Sam's out the door faster than Dean can formulate a sentence. The door slams with a bang and Dean and Cas are alone in the silent room.  


Dean shakes himself and says, "What the hell was that? Why do you care about what I do in bed?"  


Cas sits down on one of the motel beds, folding his hands in his laps as he says, "The Lord has deemed adultery a sin, Dean. And yet, you commit it on a regular basis."  


Dean almost laughs. "That's not the only sin I've done, Cas. Hell, my soul's probably as black as a piece of damn coal."  


"It's not."  


"What?"  


Cas looks up at Dean as he replies, "I've seen your soul Dean. I raised it out of hell. Granted it was broken, as with every human soul, but it certainly wasn't damaged beyond repair."  


Dean sits on the other bed and says, "I don't understand why we're having this conversation."  


"Dean," Cas's voice is level, "I've seen thousands upon thousands of souls. Souls of the righteous and of the damned, but yours, yours was different." He twiddles his thumbs nervously, "I don't really know how to describe it, other than beautiful."  


"Beautiful?" Dean echoes.  


Cas nods and Dean shakes his head. "What has gotten into you, Cas?"  


"You," Cas answers, eyes fixed on Dean.  


"Me?"  


"Ever since I raised you from the pit, I've felt a connection to you, Dean. This bond we share, I've never experienced something like this before. Not with a human anyway."  


"What does that even mean?"  


There's anger in Dean's voice and it cuts through Cas like a knife. He shivers and thinks for a moment, trying to decide how to put into words what he's feeling. These feelings are not normal for an angel and Cas doesn't know how to describe them. How is he supposed to tell Dean about what Dean's been doing to him. About how he feels anxious when he doesn't hear from the hunter for days, about that feeling in the pit of his stomach when Dean touches him.  


He's attributed most of the physical things to his vessel, like the fact that he longs for Dean's fingers in his hair, and the hunter's lips against his. To have a human body, means that he would have certain human desires as well. He hadn't entertained the thought of having such desires for Dean. But as of late, he had noticed that he wanted Dean, he needed Dean, and in much more than a physical way. He wanted all of the hunter, which was something that he didn't know how to ask of him.  


"Cas, what is going on?" Dean's voice cuts into his thoughts.  


Cas inhales and then asks it, "Have you ever considered bonding with me?"  


Dean's eyes go wide. "You wanna to bang me?"  


Cas shakes his head. "Bonding for angels refers to something more than just the physical. It's a union of souls, Dean, of the very essence of a being."  


"You want to bond our souls together?"  


Cas nods, and looks down at his hands. "I know it's a lot to ask, but I feel it needs to be done."  


Dean is silent for a few moments as he lets Cas's request sink in. Then he asks softly, "What exactly does soul bonding entail?"  


"It would tie us together in a way that surpasses any known union. Marriage would be an example of what it's like."  


"Marriage?"  


"Yes, except it's more than just a piece of paper bonding us together, and if we were to get as you humans put it, a divorce, you would probably die."  


"Well then why the hell would I consent to something like that?"  


"Because I want, I need you to, Dean. Please Dean, I'm begging you."  


Cas's reply is so low that Dean almost doesn't catch the last part. He tilts his head up and Cas is beside him, so close that Dean can feel the angels breath against his face. Damn Cas and his problem with personal space.  


Dean rubs at the back of his neck nervously. He doesn't understand why Cas would be asking this, begging for this, as he puts it. Why would Cas want, need, to have his soul bonded with his? And why would Dean even give his consent to something like this?  


"Dean please."  


Cas's eyes are pleading, the blue watery behind tears that threaten to fall. Dean stares at the angel. He's never seen Cas like this before. It scares him.  


"Why, Cas?" Dean asks, "Why me? Why now? What brought this on?"  


Cas's bottom lip quivers and he replies, "When I raised you from hell, you were laid bare before me, Dean. I saw everything that you are, every nightmare, every dream, every person you've ever loved, every emotion you've felt. I held your soul in my hands, and... I..." He takes a deep breath, "I think it seared onto mine, has been searing onto mine."  


"What?"  


"I've been too open with you Dean, I let my guard down. I've always felt a special connection to you, and that connection has grown over the course of our friendship, at least for me anyway. I don't know how to explain it other than I just need you."  


"You need me?"  


Cas nods. "My soul very different from yours, Dean. I shouldn't need, I'm not supposed to want to be bonded, especially not with a human soul. But ever since I met you..." His voice breaks off, but he composes himself and says firmly, "I've changed, Dean. You've taught me things and showed me that there is more to life than the orders I have been given. I've learned from you and I'll be damned if you haven't shown me how to feel."  


Dean stares at Cas. If he didn't know better, he'd say that the angel just confessed that he loved him. It certainly sounded like that. But Dean still doesn't understand all this soul bonding talk. It just doesn't make sense to him.  


Cas's eyes drift over Dean's face as the hunter thinks. He's praying, actually praying that Dean says yes, because he needs this, he wants this so badly. He wants to be Dean's and for Dean to be his, entirely, for them to never be separated again.  


"Cas," Dean breathes, "I don't know. I just..."  


He sighs and puts his head in his hands. This is too much for him. The world feels like it's spinning, like he's spinning out of control. But there's a hand on his shoulder, Cas keeping him grounded, silently asking for Dean's consent.  


Dean looks up at the angel, and his mind thinks back to everything they've been through. He's never really been honest to himself about his feelings toward Cas. Probably because he didn't know if he was allowed to feel anything. Cas is an angel after all. But then again, so was Anna. But that was sex, this is something entirely different. This is a fusion of their souls.  


Dean clears his throat. "If I do this, what's gonna happen?"  


There's a flare of hope in Cas's eyes as the angel explains, "We'll be bonded together, for eternity."  


"And what does that mean."  


"Put simply, we would make a whole. We would become two halves of each other. We would share emotions, wants, needs. We would feel each other mentally and, in your case probably physically."  


"Physically? Like what?"  


Cas bites his lip. "These bonds, well, normally they're reserved for beings of a higher status, like angels. Since we don't normally have a physical form, we don't have to worry about that aspect. It will be different for you because you're a human Dean. I can't guarantee what you'll feel. The bond could be intense at times. Maybe even overpowering for you."  


"Overpowering?"  


Cas clears his throat before answering. "You're strong, Dean and I think you would be able to handle being bonded with an angel. But it won't be easy. You will most likely experience headaches at first, and perhaps even certain... desires."  


"Desires? What kinda desires?"  


"For me," Cas states simply.  


Dean's eyebrows raise. "You mean like 'i wanna stick my dick up your ass' sorta desires?"  


"That's one way to put it."  


Dean rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Damn, Cas. I'm not... I don't..."  


"It would give you satisfaction."  


"What do you mean?"  


Cas looks over at the other bed as he speaks. "All those women, after it's over, how do you feel Dean?"  


"Uh, I dunno."  


"Do you feel fulfilled? Fully satisfied? Or do you know that you're going to need more of it later?"  


"What are you implying, Cas?"  


"You're not satisfied, Dean. You leave with a hollow feeling in your chest. They don't satisfy you, do they Dean? All the countless women you've given yourself over to, they still leave you wanting more, wanting something else."  


"How can you know that?" Dean growls.  


"Because I know you, Dean," Cas replies, voice soft, "I put you back together, rebuilt your body when I dragged you out of hell." He leans closer so that his face is only inches away from Dean's. "I know what you like. I know how to make you come undone with a single touch."  


To emphasize his point, Cas slides his hand up under Dean's shirt in a spur of the moment action. He trails his fingers over Dean's stomach, making the muscles clench under the hunter's skin. Dean gasps and grabs Cas's hand, pulling him away and regarding him with a look of confusion, and slight arousal.  


"Don't lie to yourself, Dean," Cas says, his voice gruff.  


"How am I lying to myself?" Dean yells.  


"You want something more. I know you do, and I can give it to you."  


Dean's eyes lock with Cas's and he stares, looking for something behind the blue, something that will tell him what to do, how to handle this situation. Because, although he doesn't want to admit it, Cas's hand on his skin set him off in a way he didn't think was possible.  
It seems that Cas read his mind as he says, "We do share something of a bond already, Dean, which is why you are feeling this way. If we were to strengthen that bond, that feeling would increase tenfold."  


"And then what? Then I switch to dick? Your dick? Dammit. This is some sick ploy to get me to do you, isn't it? Well you can forget about it." He stands up angrily. "Screw you, Cas. I won't have any part of whatever weird angel gay sex fetish you've got going on."  


"Dean," Cas cries after him as the hunter starts to head for the door, "Dean wait!"  


Dean doesn't listen and Cas jumps up from the bed, running over to block the door, wedging himself between it and Dean.  


"Get out of my way, Cas," Dean commands.  


"No," Cas says defiantly, "I won't. Because you need to understand."  


"Understand what, Cas?" Dean roars.  


"This," Cas says.  


Then he's grabbing Dean's face and pressing their foreheads together. Dean gasps and staggers back as thousands of emotions wash over him, every single one of them Cas's. There's pain and anger, lust and greed, so many things that Dean knows angels aren't supposed to feel.  


"It's because of you." Cas's voice breaks into the haze of emotion. "You did this to me, Dean. You humanized me in a way that I didn't think was possible."  


"And what the hell am I supposed to do about it?" Dean cries, kneeling by the bed as his head feels like it's going to explode.  


Cas bends down and puts a hand on Dean's shoulder, steadying him as he speaks, "You can help me by bonding with me. It would benefit both of us."  


Dean groans, clutching his head and Cas leans in close to his ear, pleading with him, "Please Dean. I've seen your soul and I want, I need to be bound to it."  


"But why me, Cas? I'm nothing special." Dean chokes out, teeth gritted as the pain of emotion still bears down on him.  


"But you are, Dean. To me. Please, Dean. Just please say yes."  


Cas's voice is a whine, his lips brush against the shell of Dean's ear as he speaks. Dean turns his head slightly so that he can look at Cas. Cas's eyes are pleading. There's a need there, a raw hunger that Dean isn't used to seeing. Damn does this feel weird, Cas begging for him like this. How is he supposed to say no? But how can he say yes? How can he say yes to this request, to Cas's offer of an eternity bound together with him. But as Dean looks into Cas's eyes, he knows he can't say no. He can't, because angel or not, Cas is his friend, no, he's more than that. He's family. Cas is hurting because of Dean, and God knows that Dean will do anything to stop his family from hurting.  


That's the reason that he says yes.  


Cas's shock is evident as Dean concedes to his request, but then the look is replaced with relief.  


"Thank you, Dean," Cas says, before breathing a sigh of relief, the air whooshing past Dean's ear.  


"Yeah you better thank me," Dean growls. He gets up and sits on the bed. "So what do I do?"  


"You don't have to do anything," Cas tells him, coming to sit beside Dean. "You just have to let me in."  


"Let you in? Like a vessel?"  


"It's similar to that, yes."  


"So are you gonna possess me then?"  


"No. Bonding is not like possession. It's a mutual thing, both parties have to take part in it."  


"But you just said I wouldn't have to do anything."  


"I lied."  


Dean chuckles. "So what, do I sacrifice a virgin now?"  


Cas looks appalled. "No, just relax."  


Dean's reply is forgotten as Cas leans in close to him, pressing their foreheads together again. A warmth spreads throughout Dean's body, starting in his head and going through his limbs. His mouth falls open slightly as the heat spreads into his chest, warming his insides.  


He can see Cas's eyes moving beneath his eyelids, back and forth under lowered eyebrows. The angel looks concerned. He presses closer to Dean, tightening his hold on Dean's face, the pads of his thumbs digging into Dean's cheeks ever so slightly.  


The warm feeling starts to recede and then Cas is pulling away and Dean asks, "Is that it? Are we bonded now, or whatever?"  


Cas shakes his head and looks down at his lap, hands still cupping Dean's face, obviously deep in thought.  


"What's wrong, Cas?" Dean asks.  


"These physical forms are impairing the bond," Cas states. Dean gives him a look and he explains, "My vessel and your body are creating a sort of blockage between us."  


"What does that even mean?"  


"It means that I can't get close enough to begin the bonding process." Cas goes silent for a moment and Dean is about to ask what "close enough" means, but then Cas's eyebrows furrow and he says softly, "Intimacy."  


"What did you just say?" Dean says, pulling his face out of Cas's hands.  


Cas fixes Dean with a piercing blue-eyed stare as he explains, "Soul bonding is one of the most intimate, if not the most intimate form of bonding. These physical bodies are hindering things, but if we can add more intimacy, human intimacy that is, we might be able to establish the connection."  


"Stop right there," Dean yells, getting up from the bed and distancing himself from Cas, "Whatever you're gonna say next, just don't say it. Cause there is no damn way I'm doing intimate with you, Cas."  


Dean folds his arms and gives Cas a glare. Cas looks back with confusion, which quickly changes to hurt, and dashed hope.  


"I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do, Dean," he says, "But some form of intimacy is required to complete the bond."  


"So what then?" Dean roars, "I let you bend me over and screw me like a obedient little bitch?"  


Cas shakes his head, "I don't think that would be required. It just needs to be something that humans would consider intimate."  


"But you said most intimate earlier, and that sure as hell sounds like sex and there's no way I'm letting you bang me."  


"It just needs to be a more intimate touch than what I was doing," Cas explains in a steady tone.  


Dean calms a bit. "So we're talking hand holding?"  


"No. I... I... I think that..." Cas's mouth goes dry and so he motions to his lips, trying to make Dean understand.  


Dean's eyes narrow and he opens his mouth. Cas waits for the scream of no, but instead Dean simply says, "No tongue."  


Cas nods and then Dean is coming back to sit next to him. He sits up straight and says through gritted teeth, "Get on with it."  


He closes his eyes and waits, waits for the unpleasant feel of Cas's lips against his. He feels Cas's hands go back to his face, cupping his cheeks, and then the bed dips as Cas inches closer to him. Dean can feel warm breath beating against his lips and then it happens.  


Cas's lips are exactly as Dean expected them to be, dry and chapped, but they're also warm and, well, wonderful. It's a chaste kiss, just a light peck, but it makes Dean's breath hitch. Cas must have noticed, because he pulls away, but Dean chases his lips, grabbing the angel by the lapels of that damn trench coat and pulling them together again.  


He doesn't know why, but he's enjoying this, damn is he enjoying this. The feel of Cas's lips against his, the way that the angel's lips are a little wet from where his tongue had darted out to rewet them earlier. Dean's actually fantasized about this before, even though he won't admit it. It's hard not to have when Cas stands so freaking close and Dean can't help but let his eyes wander over the angel's face and down to those pink lips and he couldn't help but wonder what they would feel like.  


Cas shifts a bit and Dean tightens his grasp on Cas's coat, afraid that the angel is going to pull away again, instead Cas presses closer to Dean, gripping the hunter's face tightly. Dean is surprised to feel Cas move his lips against his. Dean responds by letting the angel open his mouth. For a moment he thinks that he's about to get a mouthful of angel tongue, and surprisingly, he wants it, but instead Cas just angles his mouth so that he's kissing Dean's bottom lip tenderly.  


Cas pulls back and looks at Dean. Dean regards the angel through lidded eyes as Cas says, "I think I can establish the bond, but we'd have to remain... like that."  


"Lip locked?" Dean asks, his voice a bit gravely.  


Cas nods and Dean smiles. He leans forward and captures the angels mouth with his and this time it's because he wants to. Dean's not sure why, but he wants this, wants Cas, and that scares him a bit. He ignores this fear and focuses on feeling instead, on feeling the way Cas's lips part easily for him, on the vibration of the moan that comes out of Cas as Dean's tongue plunges into the wetness of the angel's mouth.  


It's entirely new, but then again he's done this a thousand times, just not like this. They were just one nighters. Cas is right of course, all the women that Dean's been with, none of them have given him satisfaction. So why does this feel so right? Why does Cas's lips against his feel so damn good, so perfect?  


Cas lets his hands drop from Dean's face so that he can work his fingers into Dean's hair. Dean smiles against Cas's lips as the angel pulls him closer and opens fully for him. If this really is a ploy to get Dean to bang him, it's definitely working, and Dean's not complaining.  


Dean runs his tongue over Cas's teeth and gums, reveling in the way the angel, no his angel tastes. It's airy and light, no traces of anything, no alcohol or drugs. Nothing. Just pure, endless Cas. Cas nips at Dean's bottom lip and Dean groans at the sensation which sends a jolt right to the pit of his stomach.  


He moves so that he is sitting on the edge of the bed, maneuvering Cas so that the angel is straddling him. Cas clamps his thighs around Dean's legs, grinding their hips together ever so slightly and making Dean gasp into his mouth. Dean moves his mouth down to the column of Cas's throat, mouthing at the skin and sinews as Cas arches his neck, giving Dean better access.  


Dean mouths at the stubble on Cas's jaw line, running his tongue over it, and then his teeth, grazing Cas's skin, moving down to Cas's neck again, reveling in the way that his five o'clock shadow scratches against Cas's. It's a friction that he's not used to, but damn does it feel good.  


Dean yanks Cas's tie loose and shrugs the trench coat off his shoulders, letting it fall forgotten to the floor along with the thin tie. He then proceeds to unbutton Cas's shirt, pushing it open so that he has Cas exposed to him. He runs his hands over Cas's chest, fingers sifting through the light dusting of hair.  


It's all so different from what Dean's used to. This is clenched muscles under thin skin, not soft and yielding like he normally sees. This is strong hands angling his head back up to a wet mouth while his own hands grip firm shoulders. This is rolling of hips, grinding together, friction and hard bites, yanking of hair, and entirely Castiel in a way that Dean didn't even know he wanted.  


Dean's hands slip down to Cas's stomach and then lower. He presses his palm into Cas's crotch and he can feel the angel's arousal, or his vessel's, he's not exactly sure which, but he doesn't care because he the sound Cas makes sets Dean off. It's a whine, a mewl, followed by a buck into Dean's hand. Dean growls into Cas's shoulder and grabs the angel around the middle, flipping him onto the bed so that he can hover over him.  


He traces his tongue over Cas's chest while the angel squirms beneath him, his hands scrabbling for purchase on Dean's jacket. Cas's long fingers yank on the material of Dean's t-shirt and Dean gets the drift. He pulls off his jacket and then yanks his t-shirt over his head, tossing it on top of the pile of already discarded clothes.  


Cas's hands are everywhere at once, running over Dean's chest, his shoulders, feeling the muscles under his skin, the scars from past hunts. Cas's fingers dip into the waistband of Dean's jeans and he pulls them down slightly. Not wanting Cas to get the upper hand, Dean slips a knee between Cas's legs and presses hard into the angel. Cas makes a strangled noise and his hands slip on Dean's sweaty back.  


Then he's gasping out, "Dean. Dean stop!"  


Dean removes his mouth from the spot under Cas's right ear where he had been sucking. He looks down at Cas. The angel's pupils are blown wide, the blue just a thin ring around dark orbs. He pants through swollen lips and Dean has to restrain himself from capturing those lips again.  


"What is it?" Dean asks, voice husky with arousal.  


"The bond," Cas breathes.  


Damn. Dean almost forgot about that, the reason that they were like this, with Dean's knee pressing into Cas's crotch and the angel's breath coming out in short, frequent gasps.  


"Yeah, the bond," Dean husks, "Right. Forgot about that." He smiles.  


Cas grins back and Dean's heart melts, because he's never seen that smile before, but it's his smile now. He absentmindedly traces a finger along Cas's jaw and over his lips, contemplating kissing him again. Cas stops him by grabbing his hand.  


"Bond first. Copulation later," Cas orders.  


Dean lets out a guffaw of laughter at Cas's choice of words. Then he gives Cas an evil grin and leans down to whisper into his neck, "Deal."


	2. Chapter 2

Cas takes a deep breath and says, "I think we'll have enough intimacy now."

"Ya think?" Dean laughs, his breath hot on Cas's neck.

"This is serious, Dean," Cas warns.

"Right. Sorry."

Dean slides off Cas and sits up. Cas soon follows. The angel leans forward, looking into Dean's eyes, asking for approval. Dean nods and Cas grips the sides of his face again. He presses their foreheads together and Dean can feel that heat.

It's stronger this time, spreading through his mind, his body, like a fire inside him. It's not an unpleasant feeling, just strange. Cas shifts on the bed and then Dean can feel the angel's lips against his again in a chaste, pleasant kiss.

As soon as Cas's lips touch Dean's there's a searing pain in his head, followed by a blinding, white light behind his eyelids. He sags against Cas and Cas guides him down onto the bed, hovering above him, still keeping their lips together.

There's another flash of light and Dean's body arches up from the duvet. His head feels like it's going to explode and there's a sensation in his gut, like the initial warmth is pooling there. Cas makes a strange sound and Dean realizes he's speaking in another language. Latin? Enochian? Dean's not sure, but the words soothe him, relieving the pain in his head.

His body goes numb and then he loses all feeling. It's like being a ghost, just nothingness, empty air surrounding him, but there's something else, a presence there with him in the emptiness. He could reach out and touch it, so he does, stretching his mind out. He collides with it and he knows instantly what it is. It's Castiel.

The angel is nothing as well, but it's not nothing, it's just not physical. It's ethereal, and Dean wonders if this is what heaven would feel like. There's a sudden heat that penetrates the nothingness and then Dean is back in his body, gasping against Cas's lips, every muscle of his body is clenched, his eyes squeezed shut.

He's gasping for air as though he was drowning. His eyes fly open and he can't see, it's just white. In a moment of horror, he thinks he's been blinded, that something went wrong and he saw Cas in his true form. But then the world comes back in a hazy blur, and he can see Cas watching him.

"Cas!" Dean gasps out, his throat dry.

Cas scoops Dean into a hug, holding him close and letting Dean bury his head in the crook of his neck. He rubs soothing circles on Dean's back as Dean focuses on breathing, trying not to focus on the pain. It's like when you run into the corner of a table, that dull throbbing that makes you want to scream. Dean wants to scream, he want to yell until he can't anymore. Because he's burning up, but he's freezing at the same time.

His entire body feels like a paradox, everything is wrong. But then he senses it, a nudge, a poke, something jabbing at him, but not at his body. It's just a feeling and he turns to it, not physically though. He reaches out with his mind, with his entire being. He finds the source of the nudge and it's Cas again. It's the angel, his soul Dean assumes. That would mean Dean's using his soul to reach out to Cas. It's such a weird idea, one of those things that sort of slips away if you think about it for too long, and yet, he can feel it, that warmth, a sort of completion as he finds Cas and latches onto him.

He can feel Cas's hands on his back, Cas's physical hands that is, and he can also feel the nonphysical part of Cas. Both sensations at once is almost too much for Dean, and his vision starts to go black. He tries to focus on one thing, on his hands, gripping Cas's sweaty shoulders, or that feeling that he can't wrap his mind around. The physical is easier for him to grasp, so he hones in on that. He focuses on the feel of Cas's body, how their heaving chests press together, how tightly Cas is holding Dean to him, the smell of Cas, the feel of the angel's hands in his hair as he pulls Dean's head up so that he can speak to him.

"Dean."

Cas's voice is distant, so soft that Dean can barely hear him. Cas's lips mouth Dean's name again, but no sound is coming out. Dean feels something tugging at him, that spiritual bit, that heat and light. It's pulling him away from Cas, from Cas's hands on his shoulders, from Cas shaking him and yelling words that don't reach Dean's ears.

Dean's vision goes fuzzy and then it's white again. Pain like a spike builds in his head and then his guts feel like they're being wrenched out. He cries out in pain and he feels wetness in his mouth. He coughs once, twice, red liquid dribbling down his chin as his lungs burn. He's drowning in his own blood. He can't see Cas, but he can feel the angel's hands cradle his head, dragging it forward.

Cas presses their lips together again, making Dean's blood dribble into his mouth. He doesn't care because he needs to get through to Dean. The bond was successful, too successful. Cas's grace is overpowering Dean, and Dean isn't helping due to the fact that he keeps trying to reach out to Cas and touch said grace.

Dean's lips slip against Cas's mouth as Dean goes slack in his arms. Cas kisses him harder, trying to establish the physical part of the bond. He plunges his tongue into Dean's mouth, sliding around the blood, teeth and gums. Dean remains unresponsive and Cas begins to panic.

He pulls back and looks at Dean. The Winchester's head lolls on his shoulders as Cas releases it. He's losing him, he can feel it, the bond beginning to fade as Dean does. Cas's mind goes into overdrive, trying to find a way to bring Dean back, to make him stop probing Cas's grace.

"Dean, please. Please let go," Cas gasps against Dean's neck.

Dean shudders and his breathing goes shallow. He won't let go, he won't stop trying to find Cas's grace. It's going to kill him, Cas can feel it. He's got mere seconds before Dean penetrates Cas's grace fully. In a desperate final attempt Cas concentrates on Dean, on his soul, which is again laid bare before him. Specifically he focuses on the difference between them, on that bit of humanity that Dean has and Cas doesn't. He puts everything he has into taking his grace from Dean, into separating that bit from their bond, into taking some of Dean's humanity to cover his grace.

He can feel Dean slipping away and he offers up a silent prayer, asking anyone, anything, to just let Dean live. He doesn't even want the bond anymore, not if it means this, not if it means losing Dean, because he can't, won't lose Dean Winchester.

Cas tries one more time, putting all he has into it, into keeping Dean with him, into breaking the bond, into whatever he has to do to keep Dean safe from his grace. Dean lets out a shaky breath and Cas nearly screams as he realizes that it is going to be Dean's last, but then it happens.

There's an intense pain in Cas's shoulder blades, almost as if someone is driving a stake through them. He cries out and lurches forward, slamming into Dean, who isn't breathing. He grabs onto the sheets and writhes in pain. A scream erupts from his lips as his entire body feels as if it's being ripped apart. There's a rippling sensation going up his spine. The skin on his back feels like it's being torn off piece by piece. And then it all stops and he's lying on top of Dean.

Dean lets out a hacking cough and his eyes spring open, bloodshot, but still full of life. He lets out a raspy, "Cas." Cas sighs in relief before his head drops onto Dean's chest and he loses consciousness.

Dean grabs Cas's head in his hands. "Cas? Hey!"

The angel doesn't respond, but he's still breathing, that's a good sign. Dean notices that Cas's lips are bloody and it all comes back to him. The pain, the light, the feeling of drowning. Dying, he was dying. But somehow Cas stopped it though. How?

It's then that Dean notices them, sprouting from Cas's shoulder blades. Two large, dark, feathery wings.

Dean's mouth falls open in shock. Cas has wings. Actual wings, real, physical wings that Dean can reach out and touch, and that's just what he does. He inches a hand out and runs his fingers down the feathers of the right wing.

As soon as he makes contact with the wing he feels lightheaded and he can feel something else besides the feathers. He can feel what Cas is feeling, Dean's touch against these impossible things jutting out from Cas's shoulders. It must feel good to Cas, because as Dean drags his fingers down the feathers, something spikes within his stomach, a sort of pleasure that he's sure must be Cas's.

Cas stirs on top of him and then Dean see's those blue eyes, and he's never been so happy to hear the angel's scratchy voice rasp out his name.

"Cas," Dean pants, "You've got, you've got wings."

Cas's eyebrows furrow and he says, "I've always had wings."

"I mean actual wings that I'm touching right now," Dean explains, taking the right wing in his hands and extending it a bit.

Cas jumps at the touch and then sits up, nearly falling off the bed in the process. He stands up and Dean watches in awe as the wings unfurl from behind Cas's back, huge and magnificent, stretching the entire length of the room.

Cas curls a wing toward him, eyes wide. He grabs a fistful of feathers and yanks on them curiously, then instantly regrets it as a sharp pain comes from his shoulder.

"I don't understand, " he mumbles, eyes fixed on the dark plumage, his plumage. "This can't be real."

"Real as hell," Dean says, standing up behind Cas and looking at the angel's back.

The wings are molded into his skin, growing out from his shoulder blades. Dean can see the muscles move beneath the feathers as Cas flaps the wings experimentally. There's a whooshing of air and the duvets on the bed blow in the wind that Cas has created.

"Dean."

"Yeah?" Dean comes to stand in front of the angel.

Cas has a look of pure confusion on his face. His eyes are wide and panicky and Dean can tell that he's trying to figure this out, trying to comprehend how he can have these wings.

"Human vessels cannot have wings," Cas states, more to himself rather than Dean.

"Then what do you call these things?" Dean questions, running his hands over the feathers.

Cas cringes at the touch. It's so strange, not the wings, but the fact that they are here, that Dean can see them, touch them. It dawns on him. The wings, the grace. But how? It's not possible. The bond, he could use it to see if it's true.

He whirls around and grabs Dean by the shoulders, ramming their mouths together in a passionate kiss. Dean lets out a "Mmmph" but then he's opening for the angel, letting Cas's tongue into his mouth. God does it feel good, even better than before. There's something new this time, another feeling besides the physical. It's the bond, he knows it. He can feel it.

There's a surge of pleasure in his gut, but it's not just his, he can feel Cas's arousal as well. It's not a physical arousal, at least not for Cas, because Dean can feel himself going hard as Cas's tongue runs over his teeth. He can feel Cas's pleasure. It travels through him, making the blood pump in his veins, and his stomach clench. There's a pleasant warmth in his gut, and his head is buzzing. To put it truthfully, it feels like he's on the edge of orgasm. It's weird to think about, but it's entirely true. The heat in his body, that coiling sensation in his gut, like a spring about to off.

Every thought is Cas, every smell, every touch. Dean lets Cas push him back onto the bed and he cracks open an eye to look at the angel hovering over him. God he's beautiful. And his wings. Dean doesn't really know how to describe them. They are stretched out behind Cas as the angel focuses on sucking at a spot on Dean's neck. Dean writhes beneath him. Cas stills him with a hand on his stomach, pressing him down onto the sheets as he presses into the bond with his mind.

Dean can feel it and it feels so damn good. He arches up off the bed as Cas starts to lightly caress the union. Dean doesn't know how the angel is doing it, but he wants to reciprocate, he just doesn't know how. He tries to focus on the bond, sending his mind, or spirit, or whatever, closer to Cas. He must hit his mark, because he can hear Cas gasp into his neck. He propels his consciousness forward again, rutting against the bond, creating a sort of spiritual friction between them, like two tongues of fire lapping at each other.

It's then that Dean realizes what is going on. He's having soul sex with Cas, that's the only explanation for it, and what's strange is that he wants it. He wants it so badly. He presses into the bond with his mind and he can feel Cas's emotions flow into him like a flood. It's overwhelming, but wonderful. It's everything Cas has ever felt, but the strongest emotion is love. A love like Dean has never experienced before. That emotion turns to need, and then want and then Cas is thrusting his mind into Dean's.

Dean feels Cas in his head, in his body, everywhere, the overwhelming sensation of Castiel. It's wonderful but terrifying at the same time. He gently reaches out to Cas with the bond, and is met with an intense heat. He channels the heat into his body, feeling it burn through his limbs. It's so much, all emotion and warmth, and then Dean is coming.

It's like a physical orgasm, but so much more, so much better. He's surrounded by a fire and his entire body buzzes with energy. He rides out the feeling as long as he can, and then he's falling, coming to land on the bed as reality comes back to him.

He lazily opens his eyes and sees Cas. The angel's face it scrunched up tight. He's still holding out, Dean can feel it through the bond, how tense Cas is. Dean presses his forehead against Cas's, willing him to let go, to come, to have the feeling Dean just did.

Dean's hands move over Cas's body as he strokes the bond with his mind. He can feel Cas tremble at his touch, physically and mentally. Dean's hands wander onto Cas's shoulders as he sifts through Cas's wild emotions. His fingers brush the base of Cas's wings, and his thoughts shift to them.

Cas arches up and Dean feels the bond surge as Cas comes. Cas slumps onto Dean with a sigh and Dean presses a kiss to Cas's temple while simultaneously brushing against the bond gently. Cas lifts his head from Dean's chest and kisses him slowly.

Dean grins against his lips and then Cas pulls away and says, "I was right."

"Right about what?" Dean asks.

"These," Cas replies stretching his wings out.

"What about them?"

"They're my grace."

"What?"

Cas rolls off Dean and sits cross-legged on the bed, launching into a detailed explanation, "My grace was too much for you Dean, it was killing you, so I looked for a way to contain it, to keep it from you, and I think these are the result." He runs his fingers down one of his primary feathers, "They're a physical representation of my grace."

"Huh," Dean says.

He leans forward and slides a feather between his fingers. Cas makes an appreciative noise and curls into the touch. Dean smiles and swings his legs over the bed, parting them slightly. He cards his fingers through the feathers and Cas steps closer. A few more strokes and Dean gets a lapful of angel. He presses his thighs around Cas and drags him closer by the wing so that he can lean up and kiss him soft and long.

When they finally part, Cas cups Dean's face in his hands and says, "They're for you, Dean."

"Hmmm?" Dean mumbles, kissing Cas's palm lazily, suddenly sleepy.

"My wings, my physical wings. They're because of you, so they're yours." He presses closer to Dean, "I'm yours."

Dean smiles and kisses Cas's wrist, "All mine, huh?"

Cas nods and Dean looks up at him. His eyes are so blue, so brilliant. His hair is ruffled a bit and Dean can see a dark bruise forming along his collarbone, most likely from him. He reaches his hands out and grabs fistfuls of Cas's feathers, dragging him down until Cas falls on top of him.

Cas places his palms on Dean's chest and Dean has the sudden urge to tell Cas that he's his as well. He opens his mouth and the words almost tumble out, but instead it's just a slurred, "Love you." He settles for that and then punctuates it with a kiss to Cas's nose. The look he gets in return from Cas is pure love and it warms Dean's heart.

He moves them so that they are lying side by side on the bed and then he scoots up behind Cas so that he's spooning him. Throwing an arm over Cas's waist, he sprawls his palm out over the angel's stomach and buries his head in Cas's neck, inhaling the scent that is Cas and letting it fill his senses. It's a bit strange, spooning an angel with wings, but he's managing. He can feel Cas's feathers against his stomach, soft and ticklish. He briefly wonders if he 's hurting them, but the way that Cas sighs makes him think otherwise.

Cas hums happily and places his hand over Dean's, intertwining their fingers. He can feel Dean place a kiss to his shoulder and he responds by nudging their bond lightly, sending thoughts and feelings of pure bliss into Dean. He can tell that Dean receives them, because the hunter sighs happily, tightens his hold on Cas and then throws a leg over Cas's, bringing him as close as he can.

Cas grins like a lovesick puppy as Dean starts to play with his feathers. These physical wings are so new, so strange, so sensitive. Every brush of Dean's fingers sends pleasure shooting through Cas's system. Dean must feel it because Cas can feel Dean smile against his skin.

Dean's touches stop soon after and Cas realizes it's because he's fallen asleep. He brings Dean's hand up to his lips and presses a soft kiss to it. Then he snuggles more into Dean's embrace and shuts his eyes. He doesn't need sleep, but he can tell that his body is tired, so he gives in, drifted off, still wrapped in Dean's arms.

* * *

Sam groans as he fumbles with the key in the lock of the hotel room. He's been out all night, drinking and thinking, giving Dean and Cas time to work out whatever feud they had going on.

He finally gets the key in the lock and he stumbles into the room. He's definitely had one too many beers. They were just a way to pass the time, and the time got away from him apparently. He shrugs off his jacket and peers at the twin beds. He can't see anyone at first and he thinks that maybe Cas has flitted off and Dean went out for a beer. But then he sees a lumpy figure in the bed closest to the door. It must be Dean, Sam concludes.

He kicks off his shoes and plops down on the other bed. It's then that he realizes that there are two bodies in the bed beside him. Sam sits up with a jolt and looks down at the two people. His mouth falls open, because in the bed there's his brother, who's being spooned by Cas, who has two, gigantic wings, which are covering Dean. What really disturbs Sam isn't the fact that Cas suddenly has wings, it's that Dean is being spooned by Cas and that they appear to be very naked.

Sam must have let slip an, "Oh God." because Dean's eyes open and he looks up at Sam with a bleary expression.

"Sammy?" he asks, voice gruff.

"What the hell, Dean?" Sam stammers out, staring at Cas.

Dean's eyes drift down to where Cas's arms are curled around him. His eyes go wide and rips the sheets off of them so he can jump out of the bed. As soon as his body leaves, Cas's hand shoots out, grasping for Dean's warmth that has vanished so suddenly.

Sam's not sure if he's relieved that Dean is still wearing his jeans. Dean looks at him with a panicked expression and then it changes to something else that looks like guilt. Sam's mouth falls open again as Dean launches himself onto the bed again and grabs Cas tightly around the middle, spooning up behind him.

"Sorry, baby," Dean whispers into Cas's ear.

Sam thinks he's gonna be sick. He turns away as Dean moves to press a kiss to Cas's slack lips. He never thought his brother would develop a taste for dick, especially not angel dick. Cas wakes and stretches lazily in Dean's arms. Sam turns around and finds the angel staring at him.

"Hello, Sam," Cas says in his usual raspy voice.

"Don't talk to him," Dean commands, moving his lips down Cas's neck, "Want you to talk to me."

Dean swirls his tongue over Cas's pulse point and the angel's eyes go wide. He tries to pull Dean off of him, but Dean refuses to budge, choosing instead to start sucking nosily at Cas's skin.

Now Sam is really going to be sick. He covers his mouth with his hand and makes a mad rush for the bathroom, regretting those beers.

"Cas," Dean breathes into Cas's neck, making the angel's head go light.

He was worried that this might happen. That the bond might make Dean want him. It's perfectly natural of course. Mates tend to be a bit possessive at first, not that Cas is complaining. He just feels a bit guilty because his feelings toward Dean are what most likely stirred this sudden display of affection.

They share emotions now, and can feed off what the other is feeling. So when Cas woke and found Dean gone, he instinctively probed the bond, sending want and need Dean's way. Dean must have picked up on it and acted upon it, coming back to give Cas the affection he craved. Cas knows that if he were to send out negative feelings right now, Dean would receive them and then he would leave Cas's side. But Cas doesn't want that, he just wants Dean's body against his and the hunter's hand in his hair. However, he knows that he needs to explain things to Sam and he has to figure out this whole wing deal.

He sighs and sends a thought of distance to Dean. Dean pulls away from him and then sits up in the bed, muttering, "Later. Got it."

Cas smiles up at him and then gives him a quick peck on the cheek before getting up and stretching for a long time, focusing in particular in extending his wings. Dean watches him through lidded eyes, a small smile on his lips. Cas feels Dean touch the bond, sending dirty thoughts that involve Cas's wings.

"Dean," Cas warns.

Dean grins and gives him a wink before putting his hands behind his head and watching as Cas smoothes the feathers down on his wings. These are going to take some getting used to. He's never had to deal with his wings in this form, and he can tell that they are probably going to be a lot of work. Perhaps he can will them into a state of dormancy, bring them back into his being until he needs to take them out.

He focuses hard on molding the wings back into his skin, but nothing happens. He knew it was a lost cause. These wings are the result of his and Dean's bond, if they disappear, the bond with most likely go with them. Either that, or his grace with overpower Dean again and he sure as hell doesn't want that to happen.

Sam staggers out of the bathroom, looking a little pale. Dean gives him a look, and Cas can feel annoyance shoot into their bond. He sends soothing thoughts Dean's way and Dean's face goes slack a bit.

"I want an explanation," Sam demands, sitting down in a chair opposite the bed Dean is in.

"Dean and I are bonded now," Cas states simply.

"Bonded? You mean you guys..." Sam trails off, a disgusted look on his features.

Cas shakes his head. "Spiritually bonded. Our souls are one now. I am Dean's mate, and he is mine."

Sam looks with wide eyes at Dean, who gives him a sloppy smile, as Sam stutters, "So what does that mean?"

"It means that we are connected, bound together for eternity. Soul bonds are the highest form of companionship. It's a bond that surpasses all physical and in some instances, even the nonphysical."

"Okay," Sam mumbles, clearly trying to wrap his mind around this idea.

"It's a perfectly normal thing," Cas explains, sitting down on the bed with Dean, "Humans don't usually partake in such bonds, but I felt that Dean could handle one."

"You felt? What about Dean, did he have a say in this?"

"Yes. I asked him and he said yes."

Sam shakes his head and sits back. His brain hurts, all this angel and heaven stuff has always been a bit over their heads, and now Dean's gone and bonded himself to and angel. Bonded to an angel. What the hell does that even mean?

Sam closes his eyes to take a breath and when he reopens them, Cas is standing inches away from him. The angel reaches out and places a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Don't worry, Sam. Dean is in my care now. I can protect him. He will be safe."

Sam doesn't know why, but Cas's words put him at ease. He's always wished that Dean would have something to ground him, something to keep him tethered, lest he drift off into oblivion. Now he has that, he has Cas. Well, he's always had Cas, but not in this way. Sam supposes it's good, but he's still not too keen on the idea of Dean and Cas being a thing now.

"So this bond," Sam asks, "Does this mean that you two are like, er, married?"

Cas nods. "That is a way of putting it. It's a divine marriage."

"And are you two going to... bond in, uh, other ways?"

Cas's eyebrows lower and he looks back at Dean, who gives him a thumbs up. He turns back to Sam, "I'm not sure. If Dean wants that, then I would be more than happy to participate in sex."

Sam makes a face and says, "Just don't do it while I'm around, or in the same state for that matter." Dean chuckles and Sam points to him, "What's up with him anyway? Is it something to do with the bond?"

"His mind is most likely still groggy from the after effects of the bond. He should return to normal after some rest."

"Okay, then last question. The wings."

Cas's wings flutter a bit as he explains, "They are because of the bond. They're my grace."

"Your grace?"

"My grace was too much for Dean, so it became a physical entity. In this case, wings."

Sam nods and then puts his hands in the air. "Sounds good. If you two don't mind. I'm gonna go out for some more beers."

"I don't think that would be wise," Cas suggests as Sam heads for the door, "There is already an excess amount of alcohol in your system."

"Yeah. Thanks, Cas."

Sam rolls his eyes and Dean chuckles before saying, "Did you just say 'thanks ass'?"

He smiles and laughs some more before passing out. Sam gives Cas a look and the angel shrugs, his wings raising up and down as he does. He flaps them nervously as he goes to sit down in front of Dean. Sam watches as Cas cups Dean's cheek in his hands. His fingers rub circles over Dean's skin as he closes his eyes.

After a few minutes Cas pulls away saying, "His body is resting. He could be asleep for several hours. I wouldn't disturb him."

"Whatever you say," Sam mumbles.

Sam groans as the hangover headache starts to set in. Cas points to the other bed. "You should sleep as well."

"Yeah. Got it."

Sam stumbles over to the bed and falls down upon it. He's out as soon as his head hits the pillow and Cas is left with two snoring Winchesters. He looks down at Dean, who has the smallest of smiles on his lips. Cas trails a finger down Dean's cheek and bends down to kiss him tenderly on his partly open lips.

Dean stirs and Cas can feel contentment in their bond. It makes him smile and he kisses Dean once more before going to snuggle into Dean's side.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. Thanks to all who left kudos and comments!

Dean wakes to Cas staring at him. "Cas?"

"Hello, Dean. You drool when you sleep. I find it arousing."

Dean stares for a long time, before he realizes that Cas's hand is resting on his thigh, thumb rubbing over the seam of his jeans. The memories of last night come back in a rush. Cas's strange question, the bond, the soul sex. Most of it is a blur, but certain things are crystal clear, especially certain parts of Cas. Like his lips and his eyes and the feel of his skin beneath Dean's fingertips.

Dean's eyes drift down to Cas's lips, which are turned up in a smile as Cas looks up at him with those impossible blue eyes. Dean's heart skips a beat and then he feels a warmth spread through him, coming from the bond. It must be Cas's emotions, because the warmth intensifies as Cas leans up to press a chaste kiss to Dean's lips.

Dean doesn't return the feeling and Cas pulls away with a worried look. Dean senses hurt and confusion tap at the bond and it makes his heart hurt. He gives Cas a pat on the back and his fingers brush Cas's wings. The angel shudders at his touch and a jolt like electricity travels up Dean's arm. Damn is this bond thing weird.

He doesn't know what he's supposed to do with it. By the way Cas is looking at him, and the needy feeling he can sense, he's guessing that the angel wants a show of affection, which Dean is hesitant to give. He knows that he must have been quite the willing participant last night, but his mind is clearer now, and he's not too keen on the idea of having passionately made out with Cas and had freaky ass spiritual sex.

Cas must sense Dean's hesitance because he sends a wave of emotion toward Dean. It hits Dean like a ton of bricks, all love and want, need and devotion, completion. Dean gasps a bit and he almost grabs the angel to pull him close, but it doesn't feel right, he doesn't feel right. He's Dean Winchester, he's into tits and legs, not dick and pure blue eyes that are staring up at him under furrowed brows.

He scrubs at his eyes. There are too many conflicting feelings. He needs a breather, he needs to get away from Cas. Far away, without the bond thing. He extracts himself from Cas's arms and Cas watches him with pleading eyes.

"I just need some time, okay?" Dean explains.

Cas bites his lip and then nods, but Dean can see his wings droop. Wings. Damn. That's another thing he's gonna have to think over while face to face with a cold beer.

He tears his eyes away from Cas's and pulls on his shirt and jacket before ducking out the door and slamming it with a bang. The noise wakes Sam who sits up and looks around the room groggily. Cas is looking at the door with an expression that would make puppies cry.

"Cas?" Sam asks, sitting up.

Cas sighs heavily and his wings droop over the bedspread, the black feathers contrasting sharply with the floral sheets.

Sam gets up and gives the moping angle a pat on his back. "He'll be back. Don't worry."

Cas nods and then pulls his feet up to his chest, letting his chin rest on his knees. His wings curl around him and he shields himself from the world in a feather dome. He feels like shit. He just wants Dean to come back. He's heard of this happening, of feeling like this when mates are separated, especially during the first few days after mating. Dean just needs time to come to grips with the situation, that's all. But deep down Cas knows there's more to Dean's hesitation.

It's because it's Cas, because Dean is supposed to keep up his image of not giving a damn about anything, or caring for that matter. He's supposed to hop from place to place, bed to bed, with no ties to anyone. But now he's tied to Cas, he's got something that will always bring him back, it's a new accountability that Cas hopes Dean will be able to handle.

Cas reaches out a hand and plays with his feathers. They feel so foreign. He's used to his normal wings, the way that the light shifts off them and filters through the layers of feathers. These wings are black and dull, these wings tie him to the earth. His actual wings are ethereal projections of his being, huge and shimmering in glory and grace. These small things are nothing. But they are because of Dean, so Cas is going to accept them, because he is Dean's now. Forever. And he wants Dean to know that and feel the same toward him.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Sam says to Cas before heading into the bathroom.

Cas hears the door click and he uncurls himself from the position he was sitting in so that he can slump back on the bed. His wings span out behind him, listlessly falling over the bed and onto the floor, where the tips of the feathers brush the well-worn carpet.

He lets out a heavy sigh and his thoughts stray to Dean. He tries to reach out to him, but finds a cold wall. Dean's closed off their connection, shut himself off from Cas. Cas tries again, but feels nothing. Dean must learn fast. For him to be able to cut off the bond so early on worries Cas. What if Dean keeps the connection closed, what if the bond means nothing to him? What if Cas is alone, severed from Dean, surrounded by his own emotions that are never returned?

The thought makes him physically sick and he grips the bed sheets tightly. He needs Dean to be here with him. He's never felt this way before. It's a pain that starts in his core and travels through the limbs of his vessel. Both spiritual and physical pain at the same time, something he's never really experienced before.

It travels to his wings and he can feel it penetrate his grace, burning and sharp, like someone has stabbed him. He arches up off the bed with a cry. Something is wrong, something is very wrong. Cas's entire body feels like it's dying, like someone is tearing his skin off and plucking his feathers out one by one.

He reaches out to Dean with his mind, sending pleading thoughts that embody a cry for help. There's nothing in return and it makes his agony worse. It must be because of their separation. Cas put too much into the bond, and he expected Dean to return every feeling, but Dean's not, it's only Cas's emotions, closing around him, bearing down on himself, shutting him off.

It's suddenly hard for him to breathe and he gargles out a slurred cry of, "Sam!" hoping that the other Winchester might be able to help.

The water turns off in the bathroom and Cas cries out again. His vision goes black for a moment and when it comes back he can see Sam standing over him.

"Cas?" Sam asks, worry in his voice.

Cas tries to speak, but his throat is clenched up. Every muscle in his body is tight. There's pain everywhere, stars swim in front of his eyes and he can't breathe. He can feel Sam's firm hand on his shoulder, and can hear him dialing the phone. He hears Sam scream Dean's name into the phone, and then everything goes black.

* * *

Dean isn't enjoying the beer, or anything for that matter. It's too hot in this bar, and there are too many people around.

He took in everything the moment he'd walked in. The sleazy bartender at the back, the group of teenagers obviously out for a night of rebellion, the couple talking in hushed tones at a table, and the hot blonde sitting alone at the counter. He had headed straight for her, putting on his best smile as he came to sit next to her.

She had turned out to be a slut, practically throwing herself at him, before asking if he wanted to ditch the bar and head back to her place. He should have said yes, he should have gotten laid good and proper, but he didn't. Something at the back of his mind made him say no. He knew what it was of course, it was Cas.

As soon as he thought about Cas, he could feel the bond, deep within in, all the memories, the heat, the light. He didn't want to feel that, he didn't want to remember, not now. He closed his eyes and willed himself to be alone, to sever the connection, to hang up the phone, if only for a few hours.

It seemed to work and now he has the strangest feeling, almost as if he has one eye closed and one open. But he doesn't care, he just wants to be alone, to not remember how Cas felt in his lap, pressed up against him.

The thought makes him start to get hard and he grabs the cool beer bottle, pressing it to his forehead and breathing out slowly. What the hell is wrong with him? If this is because of this bond thing, he's gonna kill Cas. He is not switching to Cas's dick.

Deep down though, Dean knows that there's more to it. He's always had the tiniest of feelings toward Cas. Like when Cas would give him that puppy dog expression, and his lips would press into that thin little line, worry etched on his face. And the way his hair was always a bit unkempt, and that damn stubble that Dean got to run his tongue over last night.

Dammit does he need to get a grip. He groans and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes. He just wants things to be the way they were, before he developed a thing for a damn angel.

A brunette comes to sit beside him. She gives him a bleached smile and sits so that he can see down the top of her shirt. He glances at what she's showing off, and then returns his eyes to his drink, completely uninterested. She doesn't get the drift and pretty soon, she's beside him, whispering several naughty things into his ear.

To hell with it, Dean almost yells, before turning around and crashing his lips into hers. He works his mouth against the plump flesh, trying to enjoy himself as her tongue darts out to tease at his lips. He wants to like this, he wants to be turned on right now, but even her tongue dancing in his mouth feels wrong. All that flashes through his mind is Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas.

He's never been more thankful for the sound of his ringtone. He pulls away from the girl with a "Gotta get this" and then he walks away, putting the phone up to his ear.

"Yeah?"

Sam's voice yells at him, "Dean! Dean it's Cas. Something's wrong."

Dean's in the Impala faster than the bartender can yell at him to pay.

He bursts into the hotel room to find Sam standing over Cas, who is curled up in a fetal position, his wings covering his face. Dean runs over to him, shoving Sam out of the way and practically throwing himself onto the bed next to Cas.

He pulls Cas into his lap, resting the angel's head on his thighs. Cas is cold, way too damn cold, and he's pale as hell. His wings sprawl out over Dean's legs as Dean shakes him hard. No response.

"What happened?" Dean screams at Sam.

"I don't know!" Sam cries, "I heard him yelling and when I came out he was having some sort of fit."

"When was this?"

"Twenty minutes or so after you left."

Dean's heart lurches. That was when he cut off the bond. Dammit. If he did this to Cas he's going to kill himself. But he can fix it, he just needs to reestablish the bond and bring Cas back to him.

He shuts his eyes, focusing on reopening the bond that he had shut off. He feels nothing, and his heart skips a beat because Cas's breathing has slowed dramatically. He presses their foreheads together, sending his mind deep into the bond. It's like going through a dark tunnel with the lights off. The walls feel light they're pressing down on him, he can't channel his mind, he can't find Cas, it's just darkness and cold.

"Cas!" Dean yells.

He shakes the angel's limp body roughly and then he has a thought. He grabs Cas's face in his hands and rams their mouths together. Cas's lips are slack, unresponsive, dry and cold. Dean slides his tongue against the seam of Cas's lips, trying to get a response from him.

Dean is aware of Sam watching him as he assaults Cas's mouth with his own, but he doesn't care. He's not having Cas die on him, and to hell with women. If Cas makes it through this, Dean will bang him until he can't see straight anymore, because he can't, he won't live without Cas.

Cas's body twitches in Dean's arms and hope flares in his chest. He sends thoughts down the tunnel of the bond, willing Cas to come back to him, trying to find that shining ember that is Cas's soul, or grace or whatever. He doesn't care what the hell it is, he just needs Cas.

Strong fingers grip his arm and then Dean is knocked backwards by Cas. The angel straddles him and Dean stares up at Cas. Cas is panting hard, his eyes wide. His wings fan out behind him slowly, spanning the length of the room, and nearly knocking Sam over in the process.

Dean gasps as Cas's half of the bond comes back at full force. Emotions overwhelm him, rushing into his body and making his eyes roll back. Everything is running through him, love, anger, want, need, sadness, betrayal, hate. Dean's not sure if Cas is feeling all of them at once, or if it's just the bond reconnecting itself. It's defiantly connected again though. Dean can feel it, it's almost tangible.

"Cas," Dean gasps out as the angel swoops down to mouth at his neck.

"It was too soon," Cas explains between kisses.

"Mmmm?" Dean moans.

"We were separated too soon after the bond. Mates need time to fully establish the connection, otherwise they'll die."

"So I was killing you?"

"In a way, yes," Cas states simply.

"Sorry," Dean says sheepishly.

He sends his apology through the bond as well and is relieved when Cas smiles down at him. Dean leans up and kisses the smile off Cas's face, sliding his tongue into the wet heat and running it over Cas's teeth and gums.

Cas groans in response and Dean can feel Cas's happiness flow into the bond. It warms Dean and he guides Cas so that he is between his legs. He wraps his legs around Cas's middle, dragging him down on top of him. His hands move over Cas's chest and back, coming to land on the angel's wings. He cards his fingers through the feathers and jolts like electricity go into the bond.

It's because Dean's touching Cas's grace. The grace is in a pure, raw, physical form now, and with every touch, Dean can feel Cas come undone. Cas shudders and his forehead falls onto Dean's shoulder. Dean grins against Cas's neck and then kisses his jaw tenderly, sending pure love through the bond.

It's cheesy as hell, but the response he gets from Cas makes it worth it, that warm feeling that is returned along with a kiss from wonderful chapped angel lips. Dean hums in pleasure and so does the bond, an amazing sort of thrumming that travels through his body, making him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Dean doesn't care if it's weird, if he's gotta switch to dick to have this than so be it, because he's never felt this way about anyone before and he never wants to lose this feeling. It's completion, it's having someone to come back to, someone to love. Hell, if his mouth wasn't molded to Cas's right now, he'd be belting out Queen.

Cas must get the hint, because Dean's side of the bond is suddenly filled with that raw need and hunger. He reacts by grinding his hips into Cas's and making Cas gasp into his mouth. A thought crosses his mind, he could go for it right now, for banging Cas, or the other way around. Hell, he'd even go bottom right now for all he cares.

He sends that thought to Cas, and he gets a mental image in return, a very explicit image of him being thoroughly banged by Cas. It goes straight to his crotch and he feels himself getting hard fast. Then he remembers Sam.

He tears his mouth away from Cas's so that he can yell, "Sam! Out. Now."

"Yeah. Bye," Sam says, grabbing his coat and rushing out the door.

Dean turns back to Cas, who looks confused at Sam's sudden leave.

"Didn't want him to see this," Dean says before thrusting his hand down Cas's pants.

Cas's eyes go wide and a sudden terror penetrates the bond as Dean squeezes his new find. Dean grins and then begins pumping his hand, making Cas sag into him with a breathy cry of, "Dean!"

Dean pulls his hand up so that he can grab Cas's face in his hands and pull him for a hard kiss. He thrusts his tongue into Cas's mouth, sending his arousal into the bond as he does. The result is Cas's fingers in his hair, nails scratching at his scalp. The angel yanks Dean's coat and shirt off and then grabs his pants, shimmying them down his legs until Dean is just in his boxers.

They both take a moment to breathe before Cas pushes Dean back on the bed. He hovers over him, as if trying to decide where to start. Dean watches through lidded eyes as Cas thinks. The angel's wings unfurl and Dean's eyes travel over the dark feathers. He sends naughty thoughts Cas's way and he can see Cas's pupils darken.

Cas places his hand over the handprint on Dean's shoulder and Dean feels emotion blast into their bond. He gasps and returns it with fervor, willing Cas to get closer. Cas's wings vibrate as he leans down to trail kisses down Dean's chest, lower and lower until he reaches the waistband of Dean's boxers. It's Dean's turn for his eyes to go wide as Cas grips the fabric in his teeth, dragging it down Dean's body, nose brushing Dean's inner thigh in the process.

"Dammit, Cas," Dean gasps out.

He fists a hand into Cas's hair as Cas begins to lick his way up Dean's body. When he reaches Dean's mouth again, Dean gets a mouthful of angel tongue. He grins against Cas's lips and slides his hands down so that he can drag down Cas's pants. As he does so, he realizes his fingers are brushing heated skin. His eyes flick downward and his suspicions are confirmed.

"Does my lack of undergarments offend you, Dean?" Cas growls into Dean's neck.

Dean shakes his head and then he presses his hips into Cas's, reveling in the way Cas's skin feels against his. His hand inches downward, but Cas grabs it and brings it over Dean's head.

"Turn over," the angel demands.

Dean's mind instantly brings up the mental picture that Cas sent him earlier. Cas must get it too, because he nods and then swirls his finger in a circular motion, indicating that Dean should assume the position in said picture.

"I get top next time," Dean says before slowly turning onto his stomach.

"You're assuming there's going to be a next time?" Cas whispers into his ear, one hand on the small of the hunter's back.

Dean sends Cas a reversed image, one in which Cas is very much doing bottom. Dean can hear Cas make a noise in the back of his throat. He feels Cas's lips close to his ear, and then the angel's licking the shell of his ear before nibbling on his earlobe. Cas's hands travel down Dean's sides, teasing at his hips, before coming to rest on the outside's of Dean's thighs.

Cas sends a wave emotions into the bond and Dean gasps out, "Dammit Cas. Just get on with it!"

"Are you sure?" Cas drawls, lips on the side of Dean's neck.

Dean's reply is cut off as he forgets how to speak, other than the occasional obscenity, because Cas is giving him the best sex of his life, and he's gonna repay the favor in the morning, or perhaps in a few minutes, once he remembers how to think straight.

* * *

When Sam finally works up the courage to go back to the hotel room, he braces himself for the worst. He turns the doorknob slowly and inches in, peering out from squinting eyes, expecting to see his brother and Cas going at it. Instead he finds Dean fully clothed, sitting on the edge of a neatly made bed. Cas is nowhere in sight.

Sam raises his eyebrows at Dean and Dean says, "He's in the bathroom." Sam gives Dean a look and Dean continues in a whisper, "Best sex of my damn life."

He winks at Sam and Sam says, "Just stop talking."

The bathroom door opens and a towel-clad Cas pops his head out with a sheepish, "Dean? Can you come here?"

"Sure, baby," Dean says, getting up and going into the bathroom, leaving Sam to wish he didn't hear that last part.

"What's wrong?" Dean asks, shutting the door.

Cas unfolds his wings and shows them to Dean. "They're wet and I can't get them dry."

Dean smiles and picks up Cas's pants. "Put these on, then come outside and I'll help you."

He gives Cas a quick kiss and then grabs the blow-dryer. He heads out of the bathroom, but not before giving Cas a quick slap on the ass, which makes his towel fall down. He shuts the door on an indignant cry of, "Dean!"

Sam gives Dean a look and Dean shrugs before going to plug in the blow-dryer. Cas comes out of the bathroom soon afterward, dragging his wet wings on the carpet, a pissed look on his face.

"Sit," Dean commands, pointing to the bed in front of him.

Cas does, sitting Indian style, his back to Dean. Dean turns on the blow-dryer and begins drying Cas's feather, running the stream of air up and down the wings slowly, taking care to separate the different rows of feathers. He cards his fingers through the sensitive feathers near Cas's shoulder blades. Cas sighs happily and leans back into Dean. Dean grins and stops his drying for a second so that place a kiss to the top of Cas's head.

"Gross," Sam mutters from his spot by the doorway.

"You want gross?" Dean asks.

He tosses the blow-dryer onto the bed and tilts Cas's head back before reenacting the kiss from the Spider-Man movie, except with a lot more tongue. Cas moans into his mouth and Dean nips at his top lip, before pulling away with a wet popping sound.

He gives Sam a wink and then picks up the blow-dryer, resuming his drying of the feathers. Sam makes a face and tries not to look at the expression that is currently on Cas's face. This thing between his brother and the angel is going to take him a long time to get used to.

"You know we're gonna have to make a few changes," Dean muses, drying Cas's primary feathers.

"Changes how?" Sam asks.

"Changes for these," Dean replies, stretching out Cas's wings, "These bad boys are defiantly gonna draw some attention."

"I don't care," Cas mutters, "I want people to see them. I want them to ask about them, so that I can tell them about you, Dean."

Dean rolls his eyes, "You're a sentimental dick, Cas. People are gonna take one look at your wings and then all hell's gonna break loose."

Cas sighs. "I know, but I don't see how we can hide them."

"What about this?" Sam asks, grabbing Cas's trench coat off the floor.

"Think it'll fit?" Dean asks, turning off the blow-dryer.

"Worth a try."

Sam tosses the coat to Dean and Dean slips it onto Cas. It covers the wings fairly well, it just looks oddly bulky. Cas turns about, twirling and feeling how the wings lay under the fabric.

"It's not the most comfortable," he says, "But it'll do."

"Hang on a sec," Dean says.

He runs over to his bag and pulls out one of his t-shirts and then his pocket knife. He flips the blade open and inserts it into the fabric of the shirt, tearing a long slit that runs lengthwise across the back of the shirt. He goes over to Cas and takes the coat off him, freeing the wings momentarily before pulling the shirt over the angel's head, taking care to mind his wings. Cas gets the hint and moves his wings so that they poke through the slit.

The slide out of the shirt, and Cas flaps them experimentally. "That's nice."

"Thought that might work," Dean says happily, giving Cas a pat on the shoulder, "You can wear that around when it's just us."

Cas grins and fingers the shirt. It smells like Dean and it makes him giddy. He grabs Dean by the coat collars and pulls him in for a passionate kiss, winding his wings around Dean in the process. Dean grins against his mouth and proceeds to cup Cas's ass, giving it a squeeze. Cas sends love into their bond, which Dean returns, and it's the best feeling Dean's ever had. He feels complete, whole, and he has Cas to thank for it, so he sends that thought the angel's way and gets Cas's hands in his hair and the angel's tongue in his mouth.

They can both hear Sam say, "Ew" but neither of them care.


End file.
